Remaining Connected with a Loved One in Times of Tribulation
Posted by Intuition Girl
In this weeks edition of Straight Talk with the Intuition Girl, I help a single mother who feels distanced from her child after the departure of the father forces her to take up the mantle of sole provider.
Dear Joan Marie,
Thank you for taking the time to consider my question, as I do hope it does reach out and help any mother that may be experiencing similar feelings as I am feeling.
I am a single mother with a beautiful 3yr old baby girl (Maya). My issue is that I feel like I have never truly connected with my daughter as a mother. Since she was born, I have experienced a tremendous amount of adversity – my world, as I knew it completely fell apart all around me on so many levels. My daughter’s father went to prison when she was 5 months, my immediate family has rejected both me and my daughter and casts serious unspoken judgment over us b/c of her father. I have lost friends, family and quite literally my own self respect and confidence in the process. I am slowly rebuilding…
My real concern at this point in time as I look back over these past 3 years, is that I have been completely and utterly absorbed in being the mom and the dad, the protector, the provider, the care-giver and the one who has to go to work Mon thru Friday to pay for the house, all the bills and day care costs.
There has been very little support from my own mother since Maya was a baby. I am in every sense of the definition a “single Mom”, who does it all on my own. As a result, I feel like I am a million miles away from my baby girl and I know she feels it and is beginning to resent me and is saddened by mom not really being here for her in mind, body and spirit. I feel like I have barely a connection with her, haven’t really embraced motherhood, as my life has become this horrible routine that tears us apart every single day, b/c my mind is focused on survival and not being with her in the moment.
Can you tell me how Maya is coping? And also do you have any intuitive guidance to offer to help me reconnect with my baby girl? I already feel like I lost 3 years of her life, I don’t want to lose any more precious time and moments. The guilt is beginning to set in and deeply affect me…. Many Thanks!
Lisa
Dear Lisa:
Thank you for the honesty in your letter. I can truly feel your pain and hardship. My first reaction is for you to please start seeing your daughter as a beautiful and precious gift and blessing because that is exactly who and what she is. I know you love her; now it is time for you to express it to her. I suggest you begin to spend a few minutes everyday, looking at her, adoring her, hugging her and laughing with her, sharing with her. If you desire a warm and friendly relationship with your daughter you must take the time to honor her as the gift that you needed to bring into your life. You will be rewarded in ways that words cannot define.
I then want you to spend some time looking in the mirror. I suggest that you begin smiling everyday at you as you examine who you are. I would love for your past shame to melt away as you spend time falling in love with you (just the way you are). I know you realize you have not done anything wrong; however, you are taking on the criticism and judgment of everyone else. It does not belong to you–therefore, let it go.
I also encourage you to be in truth with the degree of pain and rejection you are experiencing with regard to the abandonment of your family. Again, this is not your fault or your daughter’s. We all face challenges in life and I always say that with each challenge comes an opportunity. Your life can and will turn around but first, it is important for you to deal with your feelings and allow them to surface and face them–it is like facing your demons. If you pray for anything, I feel it is important for you to pray for strength, courage and the imagination to begin to see the real life that you wish to create so you no longer have to survive but to live. A lot has to do with your perception. Do not focus on your burdens but start counting your blessings.
I realize your time is limited, but nonetheless, I encourage you to listen to the free teleclass/webcasts that I am holding each month. They will strengthen and support you tremendously.
I admire you and respect you for all the good that you are doing in your life. I ask you to do the same.
Blessings and Love
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